He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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