this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
