how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
