you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
