I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
