I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize