You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
