i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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