I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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