at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
