Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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