the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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