Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
