great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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