Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
