You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
