final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
