I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
