ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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