My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize