You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
