dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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