My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
