Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
