I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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