just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize