I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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