I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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