so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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