going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We left an ass print on the piano.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
