SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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