It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
