I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
