Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They took my balls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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