So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
