you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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