i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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