My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
