Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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