I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
