Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
