i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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