the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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