Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
