What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
