I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
