Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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