i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
