Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
