Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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