I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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