OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
