I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
