Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
