So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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