So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
