I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
