was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I AM VODKA MAN
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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