I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
