I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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