I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
