Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
