these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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